A good Mom?

Really and honestly, I have never quite felt like I was good enough. I have never really thought I was smart enough or clever enough or organized enough, but I never felt this debilitating guilt that I have started feeling since I became a mommy. Yes, I have been frustrated and am still trying to figure what to do with life, but every action and word was not accompanied by guilt.
Since I have become a mommy I am sick with it. No matter what I am doing I feel guilty and that I should be doing something else. If I'm cleaning I should be working, if I'm playing with Callie, I should be cleaning. There are certain things I know I need to get done, but no matter what, I feel like I am making the wrong choice and should be doing something else. If I raise my voice, I feel crushing guilt that I have treated my precious child so poorly. If I get annoyed or irritated with her I feel guilty. If I have anything less than a loving grateful thought about my baby, I feel guilty. How on earth could I feel anything but love towards such a sweet little miracle? There must be something wrong with me.

But.. It might just be the exhaustion from lack of sleep. It just might be the stack of laundry that doubles every night and is out of control again as soon as I'm "caught up". It just might be the dirty dishes or the food stuck to the floor under the highchair as well as in every crook and cranny of the chair. It just might be the stack of papers ten inches high that I have yet to sort and file. It might just be stress from family issues and the guilt of not being more help to them. It just might be that I miss my husband that is working full time (and a second job) that I never see so that we can avoid childcare. It just might be that I am trying to be a better Christian woman, volunteering in the nursery and becoming more involved in church. It just might be that my husband and I are both so tired that we can't find time or energy to have a lengthy converstion, let alone spend any "quality time" together. It just might be the bathrooms that needs cleaning, the volunteering that I feel compelled to do and a list a thousand miles long that never seems to be empty.
I pray that God will help me deal with this guilt and help me to know that I am worthy just by being me....