Off to School

Starting to feel mushy about Callies first day of K...Adapted this letter from one of my favorite bloggers and it was exactly my experience growing up... Please read and cry..;) ;) Hey Peanut......Tomorrow is a big day. THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL – wow!!! Callie – When I was in school, there was a little boy in my class named Adam......Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either. And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely. I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me. I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.............So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one. Honey, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a little part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Callie! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you. Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away........Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things. Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’ team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together. When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too. Callie – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if someone thinks you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care. We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done........................We send you to school to practice being brave and kind. Kind people are brave people. Because brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd..........Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important. Don’t try to be the best this year, honey. Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be. Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky girl . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year. I love you so much that my heart might explode....Enjoy and cherish your gifts.....And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time. LOVE Mom and Dad

I miss my Nanny..God it hurts!!!

Written at graduation for my Nanny...

There are so many things I must tell you; so many things I feel inside. As the years have passed us by, I find I have nothing to hide.

You have been my advisor, my Nanny and my friend. All our little differences seem to always mend.

You have sacrificed so many things to try and make me smile. You’ve made my life so much more secure and you’ve gone the extra mile.

Each day I think of growing up and how you made me feel. I knew that I was special and had found a love that was real.

You and Pap took me everywhere you went. I was a pretty cute kid. Every place that we went, I’d watch everything you did.

I was your little “turd bird.” (Something that made me proud.) I was a little spoiled and did things I wasn’t always allowed.

You took such good care of me and made sure I had it all. You always stood behind me to catch me when I’d fall.

If I made a mistake of something bothered me, you’d kiss away my fears and put a band-aid on my knee.

We did some crazy things together and you’d always make me laugh. You’d always trim my bangs and make sure I had my bath.

We took trips quite often, to Sea World and “the track”. I loved to be with you and I’d cry when I went back.

You have meant much more to me than anyone could know. Someday I will tell you, but feelings are hard to show.
You have become a big part of my life; no one can take your place.
I love you as a mother. Our memories cannot be erased.

Now more than ever, I want and need you to know, I will always love you, although it may not show.

As I move on in my life and find what lies in store, I will need your kind heart and understanding more and more.

I am very confident that you will lend a hand, for I love you dearly Grandmother (Nanny), that’s what makes you so grand.

Learning about life...

My Nan and Pap have taught me lots of things. I am so thankful to have them both growing up and the lessons I’ve learned from them are not in text books or written in print. I learned by watching them....

I've learned.... That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of your elders.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my Pappy around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.


I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. (Right, Pap?)

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned.... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned.... That life is tough, but I'm tougher. (Thanks Nanny)

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. (“Smile, you’re on Candid Camera.”)

I've learned.... That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned ... That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I've learned.... That I have been blessed with wonderful people in my life that love me. And I love both of them, with all my heart.

Thank you Nan and Pap!!

What changes when you have a baby?

What changes when you have a baby? A better question may be: What doesn't change?
Writer and mom Rebecca Woolf lists her most notable post-baby observations. Do you agree?

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid.

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents/granparents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

I can totally agree.....

Callie's Photo Shoot

This photographer was wonderful. She just followed Callie around and let her play and do her thing. Al and I were like "model" moms..changing her clothes, fluffing her hair..ha ha. I could never take these pics of Callie...she just won't stay still. Either way, we had a good time and Callie is beautiful.

A good Mom?

Really and honestly, I have never quite felt like I was good enough. I have never really thought I was smart enough or clever enough or organized enough, but I never felt this debilitating guilt that I have started feeling since I became a mommy. Yes, I have been frustrated and am still trying to figure what to do with life, but every action and word was not accompanied by guilt.
Since I have become a mommy I am sick with it. No matter what I am doing I feel guilty and that I should be doing something else. If I'm cleaning I should be working, if I'm playing with Callie, I should be cleaning. There are certain things I know I need to get done, but no matter what, I feel like I am making the wrong choice and should be doing something else. If I raise my voice, I feel crushing guilt that I have treated my precious child so poorly. If I get annoyed or irritated with her I feel guilty. If I have anything less than a loving grateful thought about my baby, I feel guilty. How on earth could I feel anything but love towards such a sweet little miracle? There must be something wrong with me.

But.. It might just be the exhaustion from lack of sleep. It just might be the stack of laundry that doubles every night and is out of control again as soon as I'm "caught up". It just might be the dirty dishes or the food stuck to the floor under the highchair as well as in every crook and cranny of the chair. It just might be the stack of papers ten inches high that I have yet to sort and file. It might just be stress from family issues and the guilt of not being more help to them. It just might be that I miss my husband that is working full time (and a second job) that I never see so that we can avoid childcare. It just might be that I am trying to be a better Christian woman, volunteering in the nursery and becoming more involved in church. It just might be that my husband and I are both so tired that we can't find time or energy to have a lengthy converstion, let alone spend any "quality time" together. It just might be the bathrooms that needs cleaning, the volunteering that I feel compelled to do and a list a thousand miles long that never seems to be empty.
I pray that God will help me deal with this guilt and help me to know that I am worthy just by being me....

I found these clips on my computer the other day and realized how quickly time goes. I am starting to forget these moments. It somehow takes having a child to realize how precious each moment really is.